This post has been long overdue, almost two months in fact. I have been writing and re-writing it in my mind but never had the time to actually post it. So finally here it is.

About a week after Jianna turned two, she stopped breastfeeding altogether. My heart cracked, I think, and I had to hold back some tears. This milestone told me that my little girl is no longer as little as I think her to be. It told me that she no longer needed me in the same way she used to.

For the next three nights, I pondered on it. Each time, I would get sad and even tempted to remind her of our nightly routine. But I held back. I knew she had to stop at some point, and that time had come. Now, it was up to me to learn to let go.

There will be more letting go’s in the coming years. And I know my heart would crack a little more each time. That is part of being a mother. That is the hard part of being a mother.

Because I have been watching Cleanaholics on TV, my compulsiveness to clean was awakened. And so, for two days now I’ve been cleaning up and rearranging shelves. Yesterday, it was just my pots-and-pans shelves that I organized. Today, I did two pantry cabinets and Jianna’s play area. I threw out a couple of Jianna’s playthings that aren’t actually toys but should have long gone to trash already. When I got to the two cookie tins however, I began to feel guilty. Jianna loves to sit on them sometimes when she plays at the coffee table. And sometimes she makes me sit on them while she sits in her chair as we play. So I put them back where they usually stand.

Tonight, I was very much bothered about how I could not get my kitchen counter sparkling clean. I scrubbed it three times I think until I was kinda satisfied, or maybe just gave up.

Tomorrow, I’ll be off doing the fridge and the flatware cabinet. And then there’s the guest room/storage closet, and the storage areas, and my closet, and the bathroom caddies…

I better stop watching TV.

I am amazed at how Jianna’s language has been developing at a very rapid rate. I remember back when she was 18 months, I would wonder when she would start speaking clear phrases and complete sentences. Then, lo and behold, she’s barely 20 months and she’s already spoken some complete sentences, and is constantly correcting herself.

Last week, while I was checking out the accessories at Topshop, she was at the bangles area and suddenly called out to me “I like this bangle”. The following day, as I was trying on shoes at Central World, she took one shoe, held it close to her cheek and said, “Mommy, I like these shoes.” This tells me just one thing: that this little girl is bound to be one hell of a shopper.

What I’m happy about though is that she tries to speak better each time. When she says something that is not really in the proper form, she repeats it in the correct form. Like when we stepped off a bus, she commented, “Oh no, hot.” And then she said it twice over, ”Oh no, it’s hot”, placing the emphasis on “it’s”. On another occasion, I asked her if she wanted more of something and she said “more”, but then she corrected herself and said “Give me.”

Lastly, she remembers to say “Please”, “Thank you” and “Sorry”. The other day, as I was browsing at Asia Books and left her coloring at the kid’s section with a friend, she came up to me, saying “Sorry” over and over again, so I knew she must have done something to hurt someone. I went over to her friend and asked if Jianna hurt her. The little girl told me that Jianna didn’t hurt her but pulled on her pigtails. So I told her that Jianna was sorry about it and asked Jianna to say sorry to her friend and not to me, and this she did.

All these remind me that indeed full-time motherhood has its pay-offs. Yes, it may be a most demanding job but it’s a very high-paying one, too!

*acknowledging David Sedaris for the title of this post from his book of the same title.

On Friday night, Jianna and I were having our usual feed before bedtime. I read a book while she went on feeding. After about 15 minutes, she suddenly stopped and tried to catch my attention by touching my cheek. Then she said “Thank you milk, Mommy. Thank you much.” I was very much overwhelmed by what she had said, I was teary-eyed. I’m only glad I managed to remember to tell her “You’re welcome, Jianna” amidst the emotions of pride and love that I felt. After all, how many kids remember to thank their moms for their milk - and breastmilk at that!

When I said I would be less OC about Jianna’s food, I didn’t expect that I would do it soo soon and do it drastically, at that. Because Jianna eats so well whatever I feed her (even veggies),  I have resolved to let her eat more freely of food that she chooses. So today when JM and I had burgers and french fries for lunch and she decided she wanted to eat only our fries and none of her chicken strips, I let her. But in my mind, I cursed french fries, and to JM I said, “French Fries are evil.”

After lunch, JM mentioned wanting to eat ice cream. Since Jianna was starting to act up, I told her she could have ice cream if she stopped running away from us. Obviously, this was bad judgment and bad parenting on my part, bribing as we all know being a big no-no in disciplining kids. But she was sooo happy with the ice cream, she kept chanting “ice cream” while she ate, that I decided to let it pass for that moment.

Gosh, two junk foods in an afternoon, I thought, I am going to have to make up for that in the coming week.

1. Get back to yoga, and do it regularly.

2. Be less OC - about the house, Jianna’s food, etc.

3. Drink less coffee. Get more sleep.

4. No more drinking Coke. And I repeat: NO MORE DRINKING COKE!

5. Love Life. Love Life a little more…each day.

The bottomline of all these is really just one thing: to live a less stressful life. So once again, over and over again, I chant, “Don’t ever sweat the small stuff. Don’t ever sweat the small stuff…”

it’s been months that i haven’t written. and it’s been weeks since the new year came in. i have just been too lazy…and well…preoccupied with the other side (read: FB). so i have not really thought about what to say to recap the past year.  besides, i spent the first hour of the new year washing dishes like i always do so there was hardly time to contemplate on the year that passed.

for now i shall say that as always, it was a mish mash of highs and lows and triumphs and failures. but what tops everything off is the joy of having our little girl; the exhilarating moments of watching her grow from baby to toddler. and so this year, i am looking forward to more of these - more of my jianna moments.

happy new year!!!

If there is one title that Jianna would surely bag at a beauty pageant, it would be the Miss Friendship title. She is just sooo friendly. She easily makes friends wherever we go, be it with kids her age, older kids or even adults.

Some months ago, we went shopping at Central and I had to leave her and JM at the kid’s shoes section because she wouldn’t leave as she was playing with one of the sales attendants. A few weeks after that, we were hanging out by the water feature at Central World when two kids older than her arrived with their dad. In a short while, she was running around with them, and the little girl even began to choose playing with Jianna over her brother. Last Saturday, she again made friends with two older girls, probably aged 7-9, while we were having dinner at a restaurant. They ended up sitting on the floors and pointing out the prints on their clothes. And then they were all sharing a group hug initiated by no other than Jianna! The most recent friendly encounter was at church last Sunday. She played with a little boy her age - hmm, let me change that - she just came up to the little boy and started pointing out the letters on his bag, while he just stared at her. And then she started hugging him while he still continued to just stare at her. She was such a funny sight, we couldn’t help but laugh along with the boy’s parents.

Now I know she did not take after me on this because I’m just not the type to make the first move in making friends. So I always tell my mom that in this case, Jianna is just so like her.

In my one year of towing my little girl around the city, very few people actually offer to help when I am scaling down the flights of stairs at BTS stations while carrying Jianna in her stroller, and sometimes with a heavy load of grocery in one arm. Not even the security guards offer to help. They just give me a brief glance and then go on about their business. And those few people who offer are usually foreigners, I noticed. I used to decline these offers because I could usually manage to make it on my own anyway.

But yesterday, after shopping for gifts for this weekend’s birthday party, I went home with a huge and heavy shopping bag and Jianna in her stroller. As I stood in the train, I kept wondering in my mind how I was going to get down the BTS station. There was going to be two steep flights of stairs, so I thought maybe I should just take Jianna out of her stroller to carry her and my shopping bag in one arm while slinging her stroller on my shoulder.

However, as I was about to take Jianna out of her stroller, a man and a woman offered to help me. At first, I told the man we could both carry the stroller so the woman offered to take the shopping bag. But then the man said he could just carry the stroller by himself, while I carried the shopping bag. Jianna was just about to cry when he saw the man carrying her down but I held her hand as we moved on. I could not be more earnest in thanking them when we finally reached the bottom of the stairs. I wish they knew how I truly appreciate what they did for me.

Again, these two strangers who offered to help were not locals in this country - they may actually have been just tourists.  Now, I wonder why people call this place a country of most hospitable and friendly people.

I’m already taking note of things I will miss about Thailand. Here’s what I have so far…

1. BTS Sky Train - the most convenient way to travel around the city

2. Cheap Iced Coffee - from my favorite “suking tindahan”, Life Coffee at BTS Ploenchit Station, whose attendant already starts making my coffee once she sees me coming

3. Asia Herb Association - best massages in town

4. Koh Samed - my favorite ever quick beach destination

5. Cheap Belgian Waffles - Jianna’s and my favorite afternoon snack

6. Authentic Thai Food - at no less than the friendly neighborhood “carinderias” and push carts (khao man gai, roti, moo ping, gai yang, pad thai, etc.)

7. Basilico - my favorite Italian restaurant with the kid-friendliest staff

8. Siam Paragon - Jianna’s playground and we are Siam Paragon’s mall rats

9. Siam Square - my current favorite ”day-off” destination. I love its lively atmosphere.

10. Chatuchak (JJ) Market- especially the houseware/plates section. I’m already missing it now as I haven’t been there in a really long time.

Needless to say of course, I’ll be missing all the friends we’ve made here. I’m sure I’ll be adding more to the list as the months go. Awww, how can I ever leave this place, my home away from home?