When she was still in my tummy, I couldn’t wait for her to come out.

When she finally came out, I wished she hadn’t, coz then I wouldn’t have to hear her cries and get up in the wee hours.

When she was a newborn, I couldn’t wait for her to get older so I’d get to play with her.

When she’d gotten a bit older, I wished she hadn’t so that all she would do was sleep and feed.

When she started cruising, I wished she could finally walk on her own so I wouldn’t have to carry her around all the time.

Now she’s finally walking, I wish she wasn’t yet so I wouldn’t have to chase after her all the time.

During days when I have tons of domestic chores, I couldn’t wait to have that little girl take a nap. I’d rush through the routine of feeding her breakfast, bathing her, feeding her milk (sometimes even overfeeding her just because I want her to fall asleep already) and rocking her to sleep. But it just wouldn’t happen, she just wouldn’t be willing to take a nap and I just get all stressed out.

But when finally she sleeps, about 15 minutes into her nap, a picture of her beaming up at me would suddenly come to mind. And then I’d start missing her. And then I couldn’t wait for her to wake up.

Two weekends ago, I finally had the chance to be free. I went out - alone - with no baby to haul, with no plans in particular, not even to go to yoga class. I was free to decide what I wanted to do for the afternoon. I was too lazy to sweat ito out in yoga. I debated between going to Chatuchak or to Central World to visit B2S, probably one of the biggest bookshops here in Bangkok. If I didn’t want to get sweaty in yoga, the less I would want to go to the flea market. So I ended up going to B2S, also because I couldn’t resist the pull of books on 50%-70% off. But before I reached the bookshop, a stopover by some of the shops - Zen, Next, Zara.

Before I could reach my ultimate destination, I began to feel a teeny pang - the longing to be with my baby. I was seriously missing her. After having been away from her for only about an hour. As I browsed through the books on sale, I kept glancing at my watch and wondering about how her swimming adventure with her dad was going. At 5pm, I finally headed for home. And I felt like kicking myself when I saw that my train had just pulled out of the station. I knew there was going to be another one coming in about 5 minutes or so, but I couldn’t help scolding myself for stopping to buy that damned bread.

So there I was finally having a taste of some precious time for myself, only, my mind was still bound to the little girl.